


The Whole Package

by felineranger



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-06 20:16:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/pseuds/felineranger
Summary: Lister finds that living every man’s dream can be a heavy burden to bear.





	The Whole Package

Lister was fifteen the first time he became aware he was…special.The incident was fixed in his memory even now, some three million years later. 

His school had booked the community pool for a course of swimming lessons through the summer term, and he had been herded onto the ancient minibus with the rest of his classmates.Stuffed into his backpack were a threadbare towel and a pair of swimming trunks.He hadn't been swimming in two years, not since his gran had passed.There had been no trips to the pool or beach with the orphanage; and when asked by the carer who signed the consent form if he hadtrunks he had simply nodded.They might be old, but he hadn't grown much in that time (to his own annoyance), if anything he had lost weight, and he couldn't face the searing adolescent humiliation of being taken shopping for such an item by one of the foster carers.

In the changing room, he had furtively slipped into his old trunks, careful to make sure none of his peers spotted the ‘Age 12-13’ label sewn into the back.Sure enough, they slid up over his hips and snapped around his meagre waist with ease.He reached down to adjust himself slightly.Okay, they were a tad more snug than he remembered, but they were on.He didn't think anyone would notice.

He was wrong. 

As he lined up with the other boys at the poolside, he started to see raised eyebrows, nudges, and sniggers.He blushed fiercely, waiting for the comments to start, and bracing himself for a fight.It wasn't his fault he was poor and it certainly wasn't his smegging fault his gran wasn't around to buy him new stuff every year.But instead of taunts, he was stunned to find himself the subject of admiration. 

“Damn, Dave.You got a permit for that torpedo?”

“Blimey, so that's where your growth spurt went.”

“This ain't the three-legged race, y’know.”

Lister took the comments in his stride, simply grateful that the teasing had not taken a harsher turn.But at the end of the lesson, before they got back on the minibus, Mr Shenfield had added his own comment on the matter.“It's natural to be proud, lad, but there's no need to be showin’ off.Might be time to invest in some new Speedos before ye go breakin’ any decency laws.”

He had heeded the advice, and reluctantly asked his carers for new shorts before the next lesson, thinking that would be the end of it.To his surprise, it made very little difference to his classmates, or indeed Mr Shenfield.The teacher had glanced him up and down, then shrugged.“Aye, well.Ye can't keep a tiger in a cat carrier now, can ye?” and left it at that.

His reputation had quickly spread.Girls started to smile at him in the school corridors.Groups of them would whisper and giggle as he walked past.Even at fifteen, he was no innocent, and wasted no time in making the most of his new-found fame.On that sweet, fateful night with Alison just a few weeks later he’d tried not to preen as she whispered, “Oooh, the rumours really were true.”

It was fun.At first.Through his teens and early twenties he took both pleasure and pride in his endowments.He’d never been as tall or muscular as some of the other lads, but he had something they didn’t, something they couldn’t obtain at the gym.He loved the gasps elicited whenever his trousers went south, in the bedroom or on the beach.He became a bit of an exhibitionist, needing little booze or indeed encouragement to strip.He wore tight jeans and leather trousers that played to his strengths.It worked.

But gradually, it stopped being fun.He started to tire of the wandering hands in bars and clubs.The attention he’d once craved became an irritant.The jokes and comments became repetitive and dull.What had once felt like validation had twisted into self-doubt.He began to wonder how many people had propositioned him based purely on the contents of his pants.How many partners had slept with him, or dated him, just because of his phallic prowess?He’d quietly switched to khakis and combats, started undressing with the lights off.It didn’t help much.Once his companions found what was lurking in the darkness, there was always some remark.He knew the breathy compliments and smutty jokes were well-intentioned.After all, weren’t all men supposed to love being told how big they were?But Lister was sick and tired of it.He wanted to be more than a sex toy. 

After the accident, he went back to the leather trousers.What difference did it make?There was no-one left alive to ogle him.Besides, it seemed to annoy Rimmer; who clearly hated the inherent rebelliousness and sheer impropriety of it.When they’d swapped bodies, Lister had waited for the inevitable snarky remarks.There was no way someone as insecure as Rimmer would let it slide.However, to his surprise, Rimmer had said nothing.Not a single word.Before Lister could worry too much about it, the whole business had caused far bigger problems (literally and figuratively) anyway.

Many years later, after their first tentative kiss unleashed a wild torrent of pent-up passion, he found himself on his back in the bunk, trousers sliding down to his knees.He closed his eyes and cringed.Waiting for it.There was always something.Always. 

His eyes flew open again in surprise as Rimmer swallowed him down without a word, and began sucking him for all he was worth.Lister cried out in delight, burying one fist in his mouth as the other gripped the sheets.It felt amazing and it had been so long since he’d experienced anything like this, but his euphoria was more than sexual.

It might have taken three million years, but Lister thought he might have finally found someone who genuinely didn’t give a smeg how big his cock was.He’d finally found someone who loved him for him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> We always joked it was practically a character in the show. I thought it needed its own fic. @janamelie - just be glad it wasn’t in first-person :-)


End file.
